He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me

Gary made that speech for nothing …..and I’m sure you’ll agree, it was worth every penny.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their brains? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Every woman should marry. After all, happiness isn’t everything in life.

Holly finds Joe very attractive; then again, she is on heavy medication.

Every man needs a wife because things sometimes go wrong that you can't blame the government!

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows. It's never happened.

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

Speech-making is a bit like prospecting for black gold. If you don't strike oil in 10 minutes, stop boring.

Marriage is grand, divorce is about 10 grand.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

I'm told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I'll try to stick to that advice.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get the chance to prove it.

Steve plays for the Rovers in the Sunday league, they’ve tried him in every position, but he’s useless at all of them, Claire we wish you good luck.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Stuart that a miracle can’t cure.

Nick is very responsible, if there is a problem, you can be sure he’s responsible.

Michael is so unlucky, even if he were to be reincarnated he’d probably come back as himself.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Simon is a man of rare gifts, He hasn’t given one in years

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose Mike’s…. because I’d want one that had hardly been used.

Paul sent his photograph off to a Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back, saying they weren’t that lonely.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

The only thing my husband and I have in common is we got married on the same day!

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?